


dave maybe idk

by shots_of_applesauce



Series: The Kinkshame Games [1]
Category: Homestuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-01
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-20 05:01:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17615984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shots_of_applesauce/pseuds/shots_of_applesauce
Summary: dirk is flirting with the coffee pot, karkat is mildly kinkshaming dirk, and dave gets an idea while talking to meenah and kanaya





	dave maybe idk

"Hey babe, do you by any chance come here often?" Dirk said seductively, leaning on the counter flirting with the coffee pot.  
"You do know sir," ARquius started explaining to the coffee pot, "Mister Bro Dirk here, has more STRENGTH than approximately 595729574969 horses"  
"You're not fucking helping me out here at all, ARquius." Dirk hissed, "You do that again I'll shove those dumb pointy shades up your sprite-ass."  
"Language," ARquius said, "but using random objects as a d**k does sound k***y, but, I am afraid that I am in need of a towel now"  
"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU PEICES OF SHIT," Karkat screamed from the living room, so loud that everybody in the house could hear him, as usual. "NOBODY FUCKING CARES WHAT YOUR KINKS ARE AND AS A MATTER OF FACT THEY ARE ALL FUCKING WEIRD ANYWAYS."

Around this time Dave, Kanaya, Rose, Roxy, and Meenah were hanging out in the library of the Lalonde home. It was about ten years earlier Kanaya had told Dave about troll poetry, and it had finally became time for his poetry battle with Tavros. Of course, all their planning was interrupted when Karkat started yelling at Dirk and ARquius.  
"What Is Going On This Time," Kanaya said, facepalming because it had been the 582th time today that Karkat had done something she considered dumb.  
"i dont glubbin know and im not about to go sea urchin for answers" Meenah stated, kicking up her feet onto the table, and slightly elbowing Rose in the ribs because cod dammit her puns are the greatest.  
"Who knows with Karkat, but I believe I did hear Dirk too," Rose had started saying, "And yes Meenah I did catch your pun there, now stop elbowing me."  
")(-EY! watch it you little serket wannabe unless if you wanna start a pun war that i will win"

As Meenah and Rose started arguing about puns, Roxy had gotten a message from ARquius about Dirk flirting with the coffee pot. Not knowing what exactly to think she just started laughing really hard until Dave, who wanted to know what the fuck Roxy was laughing at, looked at the computer and then also started laughing.  
"What's So Funny?" Kanaya asked.  
"bro is fucking thirsty for some coffee dick," Dave started while handing Kanaya Roxy's computer, "its fucking hilarious and what karkat is yelling about"  
"Oh That Is Just Fantastic," Kanaya stated with overwhelming amounts of enthusiasm and sarcasm, "I Bet He Is Filling Buckets While He's At That."  
"what????" Roxy and Dave said in confused unison.  
"Wait You Guys Don't Know Do You."  
"nope but im willing to listen on what you were about to say" Roxy laughed, "bet it is hilarios"  
"im with mom on this one cause i want to hear what karkats fuck-buckets have to do with this"  
"What the hell is going on here?" Rose, who had just gotten done arguing with Meenah, asked Kanaya. She was tired from the pun war, which Meenah had won and was smiling about, but still wanted to be in the loop about all the bullshit.  
"something abo-"  
"Quiet Dave," Rose interrupted, "I wasn't even talking to you about this."  
"Well This Is Certainly More Awkward Than It Originally Was Now." Kanaya stated.  
"water you guys talkin about shouty nubbs and i know you guys arent finished" Meenah exclaimed, wanting in on the gossip as usual.  
"Jegus," Kanaya sighed, "If You Guys Would Stop Talking And Let Me Speak, You Guys Would Know."  
"im listening" Roxy chimed in.  
"It Seems That You Are the Only One That Does Around Here."  
"whateva maryam you lured us in now spill"  
"Fine Since I Guess Apparently Everyone Is Listening Now, Karkat Has A Kinkshaming Kink."  
"If Anyone Asks You Guys, You Did Not Hear This From Me," Kanaya finished.  
"oh like the vine?" Roxy sat up, taking her computer back from Dave and Kanaya and searching for said vine.  
"what in the glubbin fuck is a vine"  
"they are memes you uncultured seabitch" Dave snarked.  
"whale fuck you too human land prick"  
"found it" Roxy said, turning the computer to face Kanaya and Meenah so they could watch it.  
"I.... I Guess Like The Vine."  
"whats that message fin in the corner"  
"fin?????????"  
"you know that little message thing geez cant you understand puns"  
"oh thats what you meant" Roxy said as she took back her computer, "guess ill go ahead and check it out"  
"what does it say mom?" Dave asked.  
"ARquius wants to know how good my haxxing skills r"  
"Oh Dear"  
"what does this have to do with shouty nubbs???"  
"Quiet Meenah," Rose said as she lied down on the couch.  
"wait so speaking of karkat" Dave started as everyone started sighing at him, "kanaya do you know of any other kinks the trolls have?"  
"Dave What Are You Getting At?" Kanaya said shocked.  
"i know some of the kinks the other alpha trolls have but thats cause porrim told me" Meenah said, "those are some kinky ass motherglubbers"  
"i doubt its that kinky if there arent puppets"  
"whale kurloz has a bondage kink which has strings i guess"  
"Dave Why Are You Doing This."  
"curiousity exists kanaya you should know this shit by now"  
"Do I Have To Tell You."   
"yes you do maryam wannabe you started this fuckin fin and now you gotta finish it"  
"Well......" Kanaya started, scratching her head, "Sollux Has A Bee Kink, Vriska Likes Roleplay, Eridan Has A Foot Fetish, Gamzee Has A Pee Fetish, Equius Ha-"  
"WHAT" Dave said, nearly choking on his apple juice, "what did you just say gamzee has"  
"A Pee Fetish?"  
"yes that i did not fucking expect that" Dave said in shock. "now excuse me as i go pirouette off the balcony"  
"Dave don't do that," Rose said.  
"dave yes do that" Meenah stated, "i wanna sea how it ends"  
"Meenah Please."  
"im with fishsticks on this one," Roxy said, "i wanna see this."  
"you guys cant fucking chill for five milliseconds can you," Dave muttered.  
"I heard that Dave," Rose whispered.  
"shut the fuck up." Dave whispered back.  
"ANYWAYS, to change the topic lets go back to talking about troll kinks." Dave loudly stated.  
"cant im haxxing the coffeepot," Roxy stated.  
"mom i was thinking you could help me with this"  
"gotta make sure my hax are tighter than a mason jar dave"  
"ugh fine," Dave sighed, "anyways what do you think would happen if i got a bunch of trolls together and started kinkshaming them, hypothetically of course"  
"Dave That Sounds Like The Worst Idea I Have Heard From You This Year," Kanaya protested.  
"dave i think that is a magnifoceant idea and that you should dolphinitely do it"  
"I'm going to sleep before this gets too carried away," Rose stated, as she fluffed her pillow and fell asleep.  
"loser" Dave said mocking her.  
"now," Dave said as he grabbed a pen and another sheet of paper, "who is helping me get some kinky trolls and a gameshow"  
"M-E!"  
"I Guess Me Too So Someone Is There To Watch You Idiots"


End file.
